I wasn\u2019t ready to let my dad\u2019s guitar leave the yard, even after I put a price on it.<\/p>\n
I was trying to clear out his things before I had time to change my mind about every single one. The yard sale was meant to help. It mostly made me stand there explaining why a coffee mug or a stack of old records mattered to me when I knew they didn\u2019t matter to anybody else.<\/p>\n
The Martin was the hardest thing to price. Dad had kept it in the closet for years, but he wasn\u2019t the kind of man who bought something nice just to look at it.<\/p>\n
He played when he had time, which wasn\u2019t often near the end. His favorite song was \u201cBlackbird.\u201d<\/span> I never thought of myself as a person who knew much about guitars, but I knew that song because Dad played it while I did dishes or sat at the kitchen table with a stack of mail.<\/p>\n I asked $300<\/span>. I told myself that was fair. I also told myself I could put the guitar back in the closet if nobody bought it.<\/p>\n A teenage boy walked up and looked at it for a while before he asked the price. He had a crushed twenty-dollar bill in his hand. I remember the dirty crease running right through the middle of it. I said the price, and he looked down at the bill.<\/p>\n \u201cCan I just play it for a second?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I nodded.<\/p>\n He sat on the curb and started \u201cBlackbird.\u201d<\/span> The first few notes took me straight back to Dad\u2019s kitchen.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t mean in some big, movie way. I just remembered the little squeak in the chair where I used to sit, and how Dad would stop playing if I started talking over the song.<\/p>\n The boy played it better than I expected. He didn\u2019t rush. He didn\u2019t show off. He just kept going, looking down at his fingers like he was trying to get each note right. I was standing there with a price tag stuck to my shirt, wishing I\u2019d put the guitar back in the house before I heard him play.<\/p>\n He finished, and I asked where he\u2019d learned.<\/p>\n \u201cSelf-taught,\u201d<\/span> he said. \u201cThe school music program got cut. I borrow my friend\u2019s guitar when I can.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I looked at the Martin again. I had spent the morning moving Dad\u2019s things from one side of the yard to the other, telling myself that letting go was a practical matter.<\/p>\n That guitar had suddenly stopped being one more thing I had to sort out. It was right there in the boy\u2019s hands, making the sound Dad loved.<\/p>\n \u201cHey,\u201d<\/span> I said. \u201cGive me twenty. It\u2019s yours.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He looked up at me. He didn\u2019t reach for the guitar.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I was sure enough to say yes. I wasn\u2019t sure enough to feel good about it yet.<\/p>\n He held up the bill. \u201cI can\u2019t take it for free.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I almost told him it wasn\u2019t free. Twenty dollars was what he had, and he was offering it. Then I heard how that sounded in my own head. Like I needed to make the whole thing a sale because a gift would ask more of me.<\/p>\n So I said, \u201cI know. Keep the twenty.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He shook his head. \u201cNo, I want to pay you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I didn\u2019t want to argue with a kid who\u2019d been honest about what he could afford.<\/p>\n I also didn\u2019t want to make him stand there while I turned a kind thing into a long speech. In the end, I took the bill.<\/p>\n It felt too small in my hand. That was the truth. The guitar was worth a lot more than twenty dollars, and Dad had loved it. But I couldn\u2019t bring myself to ask this boy for money he didn\u2019t have. I folded the bill once and put it in my pocket.<\/p>\n The boy told me his name was Eli. He said he\u2019d been borrowing the other guitar long enough that he had to plan around when his friend could lend it to him. He didn\u2019t complain about it. He said it like he was telling me the bus schedule.<\/p>\n I asked if he had a case.<\/p>\n He shook his head. I looked toward the open garage, where I\u2019d put a few things from Dad\u2019s house, and started to turn. Then I stopped. I didn\u2019t want to add a case to the deal or make him feel like he owed me a thank-you for every part of it.<\/p>\n \u201cJust hold it carefully,\u201d<\/span> I said.<\/p>\n \u201cI will.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The way he answered made me believe him. Maybe I wanted to believe him. I\u2019d been watching people pick up Dad\u2019s things all morning, looking them over and setting them down again. Eli had asked to play first. That mattered to me, even if it sounds like a small thing.<\/p>\n I told him Dad used to play \u201cBlackbird\u201d<\/span> all the time. I said Dad would\u2019ve liked hearing somebody young play it like that.<\/p>\n Eli didn\u2019t try to fill the space after I said it. He just looked down at the guitar for a moment, then back at me.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you,\u201d<\/span> he said.<\/p>\n I said, \u201cYou\u2019re welcome,\u201d<\/span> and that should\u2019ve been the easy part. It wasn\u2019t. I could see the worn spot near the edge where Dad\u2019s hand had rested. I knew exactly how it felt under my thumb. I\u2019d touched it so many times while dusting that I could\u2019ve found it with my eyes shut.<\/p>\n I had to let go of the neck.<\/p>\n Eli adjusted his grip and stood. He looked like he wanted to ask something else, but I didn\u2019t know if he had the words for it. I didn\u2019t either. My throat had gone tight, and I was embarrassed by how much the moment was getting to me. I\u2019d wanted to be generous. I hadn\u2019t expected generosity to feel so much like losing something.<\/p>\n He started to say goodbye, then paused.<\/p>\n \u201cYour dad must\u2019ve been good,\u201d<\/span> he said.<\/p>\n I nearly answered that Dad was good at a lot of things. Instead, I said, \u201cHe was.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n That was all I got out. It was enough.<\/p>\n Eli walked toward the end of the driveway with the guitar in his arms. I watched him go, trying not to turn it into a sign or a lesson. He was a kid who needed a guitar. I had one my dad couldn\u2019t use anymore. That was the plain reason.<\/p>\n Still, when Eli stopped at the curb and played the first few notes of \u201cBlackbird\u201d<\/span> again, I had to look down at the things I\u2019d set out for sale. The notes were a little rough this time. He was walking, and the guitar was awkward in his arms. But the song was there.<\/p>\n I sat on the low step beside the garage and waited until he was out of sight. The yard looked the same. Dad\u2019s old chair was still for sale. A box of records sat open. There was still plenty to do, and I didn\u2019t suddenly feel fine about any of it.<\/p>\n I did feel like I\u2019d made one decision I could live with.<\/p>\n I kept working through the sale after that. I still stopped over a few things. I still put aside a couple of Dad\u2019s old tools because I couldn\u2019t make myself let them go that day. I\u2019m not going to claim I found peace in one afternoon. I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n But the guitar was gone, and it hadn\u2019t gone into a stranger\u2019s closet. I could hear the song in my head as I carried the unsold things back inside. I thought of the spot worn smooth by Dad\u2019s hand, and then of Eli\u2019s fingers finding the notes.<\/p>\n That evening, I took the crumpled twenty from my pocket and put it in the kitchen drawer with the old batteries and rubber bands. I didn\u2019t need the money. I also couldn\u2019t throw it away.<\/p>\n It\u2019s still there. I don\u2019t know why that feels right, but it does.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I wasn\u2019t ready to let my dad\u2019s guitar leave the yard, even after I put a price on it. 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